Merry go Round

Merry-go round, Merry-go round
Will you ever stop?
Stop me from this violent turmoil
From my violent angst
Stop the pain and fear.

Merry-go round, Merry-go round
How u blur my vision
Dizzy i can not see
What is right in front of me

Merry-go round, Merry-go round
How are you controlling me?

Merry-go round, Merry-go round
I beg, I plead, I cry,
But no mercy can be found

Merry-go round, Merry-go round
My eyes i kept closing
But now i see
You can not set me free
Until i am ready to be

Merry-go round, Merry-go round
Like a tornado
Inside I am strong
Outside may look broken
But my soul gains strength

Merry-go round, Merry-go round
From my peace i can see,
I made you turn
I made you spin
Because i was not
Ready to set me free
Until i was ready to be me.

Still Waters Run Deep

Tranquil waters run deep

Doves fly above the sky

My heart is beats steady and concrete

Fields of Leyden gold 

Pastures of sweet green

Lilli’s float on still waters deep

Days and days of endless sunshine

endless rays

Lavender fields, the earth it yields

Ocean laps at my feet

Sounds of waves steady and concrete

Childish Joy near and far

What you  think is what you are

Tranquil waters run right deep

My heart it beats steady and concrete

For all my years of childish pain

The woman i have gain

For deep inside my soul of hearts

Lays my beauty in It’s parts

Parts of Joy and of Peace, 

One can not stumble and mere find

For deep within these waters still

Lays the shipwrecked golden masks

But the rhythmic ocean of my heart

Can not be stirred by pirates past

For peace and joy reigns supreme

Finding me steady and concrete

My tranquil waters run still and deep.

God

All alone in the world right now
I beg, I pray and I bleed
Where are you?  and why do you take no heed?

I beg, I cry, I pray and I bleed
But still you see no need

No need to step forth
and show me your strength

Who are you? where are you?
Are all the answers that I need

I search, I pray, I cry and I plead
But still I find no answers
Answers to this incessant need

Even in my silence, you see no need

Myriads of choices all falling short 
Of your glory and deed. 
And yet this is all I need,
Answers to my internal creed

Between you and I

What is love?

What is love to you and I?

What is love between you and I?

Is it attraction, sweeping romance, candle lit dinners and roses to?

Is it a prince charming come along to rescue his princess and sweep her off her feet?

What is this thing we all yearn for?

People all around the world sacrifice their daily lives in search on an enviable dream, but is that all love is? just a dream?

Or is it something more? 

But something so rare that many people fail to find it?

No it is something they fail to see, for true love is frightening to us all.

True love is within each grasp, but it takes courage to follow the true path.

For true love takes self sacrifice. It is not always roses and romance.

Just like a beautiful rose, true love has long sharp thorns  and it can hurt deeply and just like that rose eventually we will grow old and wither, but that is when true love makes papyri.

For you, my true love. I love you because you are my best friend. My love for you is based on the deepest respect, you are my equal in every way.

I like you for the way you smile and make me laugh, for the way you always hold open my door. But i love, honor, cherish and respect you for the band aids you apply when our thorns make us bleed.

Real love is more about who you are and how you handle the hard times, when our thorns are making us bleed, than the sweet nothings you whisper in the good times during full bloom.

I love you because you let me be strong and you let me be weak. You never run when those thorns are hard to bear, instead you stand tall and strong by my side ready to bear.

And now i can not imagine an eternity with out you there. 

Violent Chains

What is it I mean to you? 

You did not care for me.

You were not there for me. 

Through every night of violent pains

You remained ignorant of his gains

When did you protect me?

When you drank?

When you fed us Alcohol?

because you couldn’t drink alone

In and out of homes

you were never there.

You were your only care. 

But then i was there

I was there to pick you up

To drive you places when you would not stop

I clothed you, fed you, showered you, and yet this was not enough

upon a child you threw your pain, your gain, your responsibility

And when i did not live up

you beat and screamed at me

You withheld you from me

And through out my life of constant tears and pain

It has always been about your gain. 

You took the phone calls when i was raped

but only so i could listen to your unending tape.

And my now i am free

you can not handle me

For you do not like the truth

that you were uncouth. 

You will not take responsibility 

For anything that was done to me. 

You will die a child

and it will be everybody else’s fault

but in the end it will be you who has not dealt

For i have moved on, full of hope and gain

Because i no longer feel your pain.

I take my responsibility and accept that i am me

Because I am already free.

Free to become all that i am meant to be. 

Because this cycle has stoped with me. 

Freedom

Laying here i wonder
will i ever get up?
Will the day come when i can move with out pain?

The sun shines brightly outside
but i can not enjoy it.
It burns on my skin 
as harshly as the flame itself.

I long for the cold harsh wind outside
The nights of black darkness
that inspire visions of terror 
in the hearts of man
That i may be free of my crippling cage
free to roam again. 

Free of your looks & your stares.
Free of the nightmares
Free of these bonds and ties
that keep me locked behind these eyes

How i long to spead my wings and fly
flying away in the moon lit sky
fly away to a land unknown
to a place where i can roam

What Do You See?

Tell me what do you see when you look at me?
What do you think when you see me?

Do you see your wife, a mother, a lover?
Do you see a caring and gentle woman or do you see
Broken arms & a broken heart?
Blue eyes & blue tears?

Tell me what do you see when you see me?
Do you see love?
Your Bride, the love of your life
Or do you see a broken life?
A life to be controlled & re made

Tell me what do you see when you see me?

Because when i see me i see
Broken arms & a broken heart
Blue eyes & blue tears
I see fear and i see courage
I see a fragile heart but i also see strength

I see me
Loveable
Kind
Beautiful
Strong
Intelligent
Amazing & Wise

What i don’t see
I don’t see you.